11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

      The boy was raving, screaming threats and profanities. The guards roughly dragged him past his family and the few spectators that had gathered for some cheap entertainment. He’d participated in a plot to assassinate me, a plot that came damn near to actually succeeding. I didn’t care that he was 15. I didn't care that he was an orphan. I didn’t care that he’d only smuggled people into the castle. I didn’t even care that his twin sister would be left alone to support his younger brother if he died. He was certainly capable enough of plunging a dagger into my back, and he’d plotted against me. Treason was punishable by death, everyone knew that.

      Perhaps the executioner was hungry. Perhaps he had somewhere he wanted to be. Perhaps it was pity. Regardless, instead of drawing it out and making a show of the event, he did his duty quickly, then placed the body on a pyre and lit it. The scent of fire and death filled the air as the disappointed townsfolk wandered off until it was just the traitor's sister left.

      "In the old days, you would have joined him out of association," I heard one of the guardsmen say to the weeping girl. "Be grateful you stayed out of his scheme."

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum--a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

      I grunted as somebody hit me in the stomach. Blindfolded, there was no way to anticipate blows, for my interrogators were very silent when they wanted to be. I heard the whistle of something slicing through the air an instant before the whip came down on my palms. My hands were tied behind the chair that I was sitting in, so I couldn’t jerk away as it struck them again.

      “What is the name of your contact in the Empress’ retinue?” a woman asked. I blurted out one short, obscene phrase, and got a tight gag in my mouth to keep me from speaking, which made me really nervous. Sure enough, she repeated her question again and again as the time wore on, but I was unable to answer her question. They wanted to break me, not get answers.

      I don’t know how long I was there, but the woman didn’t appear to get tired. The men in the room were rotated in what seemed to be regular shifts, but the woman stayed the entire time. They wouldn’t let me sleep or feed me. I was hungry and in a lot of pain before the woman, who was clearly in charge, decided to try something new.

      “Tell me who your contact is,” she ordered. They dumped me out of the chair as the gag was ripped from my jaws. I opened my mouth to reply and got a mouthful of water instead as they dunked my head in a bucket. I choked; it stopped just as I couldn’t continue.

      “Who is your contact?” asked the woman mockingly. I concentrated on my breathing and didn’t try to answer, now knowing what was to come. They didn’t want me to tell them. They wanted to continue drowning me. I wasn’t disappointed. Towards the end, I tried to answer the questions, but it took me quite a while to make myself heard.

      “What’s that?” she said gleefully. “What did you say?” They finally dropped me to the floor, and I coughed violently.

      “Aldric,” I lied, naming one of the Empress’ most loyal advisers.

      “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” said the woman, patting my cheek none too gently. I heard them leave me alone, although I was sure there were guards right outside the door. I jerked my head, flicking the blindfold off in one practiced movement. The ropes that tied my arms were a little more challenging, but I had abnormally large wrists, and the coils slid off my bloody hands with minimal effort. After that it was a simple matter to untangle myself from everything that held me down.

      The beating was inconvenient, I mused as I scooped up my weapons, clothing, and supplies from where my torturers had dropped them. Still, I’d had worse in my career as an assassin. I grabbed the stale and slightly moldy loaf of bread from my bag and tore it open to reveal the tools I’d need--lockpicks, three vials of poison, and a delicate syringe. I had come to kill the Empress.

      I left the bare room, knocking out the one guard on duty outside the door, and found myself in a corridor with many identical doors on both sides. The walls were made of wood, which struck me as odd, for no self-respecting despot would use something flammable to build her palace. I came to the stairways and headed down, for I knew by the light that had come in the covered windows that I was above ground, probably several floors up. There were no other soldiers until I came to the bottom of the stairwell. I made short work of them and stepped out into the light--and into a bustling street. I glanced around in shock, ignoring all of the townspeople who stared at me.

      I didn’t care. I recognized this place. I wasn’t in the castle. I wasn’t even in the main city! I was in a little border town, one known for its supply of mercenaries and bounty hunters. Only a few weeks before, I’d been hired here to kill the Empress. Of all the assassins that had been approached, I’d been the only fool who thought I could do the job. Now seeing that I hadn’t even managed to get inside the castle when I’d surrendered to the Empress' forces, I realized that this job would be a lot harder than I thought.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

      Empress Adrienna cringed as the invaders flung her into a corner. With her hands chained behind her, she couldn’t protect her face very well, and she struck her forehead with a thump. She turned to watch the two men, noting the gun that stayed unwaveringly pointed at her head. They’d needed her to bypass the biometric security, but now had no more reason to keep her alive, so she remained silent and unobtrusive.

      “Where’s the off switch?” asked the first man, scanning the console that controlled her new solar cannon, a weapon whose destructive capabilities exceeded anything else known to man. “It’s firing every 30 seconds...” A resounding boom echoed around the room as the cannon shot off another round of plasma at the mountain. The plasma was slowly eating through the solid rock, but needed more time to reach the caves where the Empress’ enemies hid.

      “Quick!” said the first. “Blow it up!”

      “What about her?” asked the second man.

      “Leave her,” said the leader cruelly. He looked over at the woman who still crouched on the floor. “Goodbye Empress,” he said. “I hope you burn.” She remained silent and immovable, watching as he flipped up the glass case and pressed the button. A spray of bullets erupted from the console, shredding them. They died instantly.

      The Empress smiled as the cannon continued to fire.

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

      “Wait, what?” said Prince Javen in shock. His hands were cuffed in front of him, but that wasn’t really necessary. There were enough soldiers around to keep him from doing anything rash.

      “Please follow me, your Highness,” Sheldon, the chief steward, said patiently. “The Empress does not like to wait.” He’d been a spy for many years, and knew well the whims of his mistress.

      “You can’t be serious,” said the prince, glaring at the traitor who had helped the Empress secretly invade the palace with her warriors.

      “I never joke,” replied the servant. “Come.” He bowed a little, and the prince began to walk helplessly forward, his armed escort following close behind. They took him to a small antechamber and removed his chains, and he was handed a sky-blue suit with white trim and golden embroidery.

      “There’s gotta be some mistake!” protested Javen. “She can’t actually mean this.” He crossed his arms. A guard stepped forward menacingly, but Sheldon held up a hand and waited.

      “Your Highness, please,” said the servant. “Don’t begin to fuss now.” Javen eyed the drawn sword cautiously for a moment, then sighed.

      “The Empress would like to avoid unnecessary bloodshed,” said Sheldon as the captive hesitantly began to unbutton his shirt. “But if her hand is forced, she will give the order and the slaughter will begin. They have no idea she’s here; they’d be completely unprepared. You’re saving your people.”

      “I know,” said the prince reluctantly as he finished dressing by fastening the jacket. Sheldon approached with the shackles, but the prince pulled away.

      “I’m doing what she wants,” he pleaded. “Please Sheldon! Don’t make me wear those. I’m not going to cause any trouble.”

      “I dare not disobey my orders,” said Sheldon pityingly. “You’ll need to ask the Empress. I have no choice.” He snapped the chains around Javen’s wrists and led the prince out into the council chamber.

      It was a small room, but there weren’t very many people inside, so his footsteps echoed as he approached the group of people who stood, waiting for him. The soldiers lined up along the walls as Sheldon bowed low to Empress Adrienna. Prince Javen stared curiously. She was taller than he expected, about his height if you ignored her elaborate headdress, and he was willing to bet that she wasn’t wearing tall shoes. She was beautiful, he noted, surprisingly so for someone who was systematically conquering the neighboring kingdoms. Her dress was made of the traditional sky-blue silk, and the diamond that sat on her chest was larger than any he’d ever seen.

      “You make a beautiful couple, Empress,” said Sheldon as she walked forward.

      “He’ll do,” she said lightly, slipping her arm through Javen’s chained ones and giving him a slight smile of approval. “Bring in the king and queen.”

      “No, wait, please!” said the prince quickly, extending his wrists. “Please, your Majesty. Don’t allow them see me like this. I swear to you, I’ll cooperate, I’ll do everything you ask!” The empress held up a hand, and Sheldon instantly stopped the guard while she pondered for a moment. “Please let me pretend to be happy about this,” the prince begged.

      “Do I have your promise that you’ll cooperate with me?” she asked.

      “My word of honor,” he said sincerely. The Empress nodded once. Sheldon held out the key, and she removed the shackles, passing them back to the servant. For an instant, Javen considered attacking her. His belt concealed a small knife; she was turned away. They stood apart from everyone--he had plenty of time to overpower this invader and save himself and his kingdom. But he’d given her his word. The moment passed; the guard returned with his parents. Javen took a deep breath to steady his nerves, accepting his fate, as his mother hurried towards them.

      “Son!” said the older woman. She was frail and white-faced in the presence of so many enemy soldiers, and she clung tightly to her husband. Javen leaned forward and kissed his mother on the forehead. “I’m so glad you’re alright!”

      “Everything’s wonderful,” he said, kissing the Empress’ hand. “Isn’t she spectacular, mother?” Adrienna smiled, her eyes shrewdly watching every move he made. “I can’t believe I’m getting married! This is fantastic.”

      “This alliance was a good idea, father,” Javen continued. “I just wish you’d warned me about it, instead of having Sheldon tell me at the last moment! Then again, Adrienna told me that she’d insisted upon it being a surprise, and I can’t blame you for letting my bride have her way.” He grinned at them widely, and the king swallowed, meeting Adrienna’s eyes. She smiled beatifically at the old man. “I’m so excited!”

      “We...just want you to be happy, son,” he said anxiously, refusing to disillusion his son.

      “And I am,” said the prince. “Thank you!” He let go of Adrienna to embrace his parents quickly, then returned to her side, offering her his arm.

      “If we may begin, your majesties,” said the castle archpriest, eyeing the soldiers who stood at attention beside him. The king and queen seated themselves as Adrienna and Javen knelt before an altar that had been set up temporarily. As the man began the wedding rituals, chanting in his ancient language, the empress looked up at him.

      “They don’t actually believe you, do they?” she asked quietly.

      “My parents are very old and feeble, your Imperial Majesty,” said Javen in reply, not quite meeting her gaze. “Knowing that I was married against my will might very well kill them. I know my duty to my people, and I will fulfill it to the best of my ability. They want to think that I don’t know of the danger, that I’m blissfully naive, and I helped them believe that. Please forgive what I did, Empress, but they’re my parents. I had to!”

      “I played along, didn’t I?” whispered Adrienna.

      “Thank you,” he said fervently, kissing her hand again.

      “You know, this doesn’t have to just be a marriage in name,” said Adrienna after a moment, her voice deceptively casual.

      “What?” said the prince in surprise, still remembering to keep his voice down. “Sheldon said that...”

      “That is originally what I’d intended,” Adrienna interrupted. “But Javen, consider what I’m offering.”

      “What are you offering?”

      “The title of Lord Consort to the Empress, and all of the duties, responsibilities, and powers that it provides,” she said. “You would be one of my chief advisers. Your authority could only be overruled by my own, or by a majority vote of the chief advisers.” Adrienna paused, then played her trump card. “You would have authority over your parents.”

      “What do you mean?”

      “They’re going to abdicate in favor of joining your kingdom with mine,” she said. “After that, I had intended that they would be taken to live in my palace for the rest of their lives.”

      “Your prisoners,” said Javen with a lump in his throat.

      “Let’s say permanent guests,” corrected Adrienna. “They’d be a threat to my authority, and if I just let them live their lives free of supervision, they might be used as a rallying point for my enemies.”

      “Please, they’re old,” whispered Javen, his mouth suddenly too dry to say more. He helped her to her feet as the archpriest gestured for them to stand.

      “I’m offering for you to be in charge of them,” Adrienna said quietly. “You would essentially rule your kingdom, and they would live out their lives in comfort and luxury, just as if I had never come here.”

      “Why? Why are you offering this to me?” he breathed as the archpriest waved his bowl of lit incense in the air.

      “Because you’ve got the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen,” Adrienna said lightly, “and because I know that you have a dagger hidden in your belt buckle, and you haven’t used it.” Javen paled.

     “I recognized it when Sheldon brought you in,” she said. “I gave you every opportunity to attack me--I removed your chains and stood beside you. My guards were far away, but you never even tensed.”

      “I gave you my word that I would cooperate,” he said quietly, suddenly very glad that he'd kept his promise.

      “That wouldn’t have stopped anybody else,” Adrienna said, bending her head as the priest laid a golden rope over her and Javen’s shoulders.

      “Well, I keep my word,” he said affrontedly.

      “I see that,” she said. “So do I.”

      “I have power,” continued the Empress. “You could make the changes that you’ve always wanted to make. You can help the people you’ve always pitied. You’re well-known for your charity and compassion. I’m known for my efficiency and my ruthlessness. You would balance me.” They were getting to the end of the ceremony. It was time to exchange vows, and with the sacred golden rope touching them, only the truth could be spoken. As the spouse with the highest rank, she spoke first.

      “Do you swear to forever stand beside me as my loyal husband, honest advisor, and faithful consort?” Adrienna watched him.

      “I do,” he said, nodding decisively. “Do you swear that you have spoken the truth, and that you will keep your promises to me?”

      “I do,” she said.

      “You may now exchange rings,” said the archpriest. Adrienna blinked for a moment, looking peeved. It was an expression that was out of place on her face, and from the way her gaze flickered to his hands, Javen realized that she’d forgotten that minor part of the ceremony. She glanced at his signet ring, but dismissed it out of hand. It was a famous relic of the kingdom, only worn by the heir to the throne. Quickly, before she could disrupt the ceremony and potentially go back on her promises to him, Javen drew the ring off of his pinky finger and placed it on Adrienna’s ring finger, noting that her hands were thankfully almost as large as his and bore the calluses that came from hours and hours of combat training.

      “I will be your husband,” he said sincerely, holding her fingers for a moment. She stared at the ring, recognizing the sacrifice he had just made. A wedding that was officiated under a golden rope by the archpriest was sealed by the gods, and it bound the two souls together; when one died, the other soon followed. The wedding rings could never be removed. He was giving up something priceless. Adrienna removed an enormous sapphire ring from her right hand and slid it onto his ring finger.

      “And I will be your wife,” she said with a thankful, slightly embarrassed smile, clearly hoping he would see that her gratitude was genuine.

      “You may now kiss the bride,” said the archpriest, looking at the couple uncomfortably. The Empress wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck as he kissed her tenderly, trying to sell the facade to his parents. The light that emanated from the golden rope blinded everyone for a moment, so nobody saw how Adrienna blushed as they pulled apart or how his ears were red.

      There was public outcry when Javen announced that he’d married Empress Adrienna and was going to join the countries together. However, he immediately declared two weeks of feasting and celebration, presided over by his father, the king and queen, culminating in their abdication. Adrienna summoned performers and entertainers from her kingdom and paid for a large portion of the events. She and her consort began spending large amounts of time walking through the booths, arm in arm, pretending to be in love and getting to truly know each other.

      Javen was pleasantly surprised to note that his new wife had a dry, intelligent sense of humor that made it easy to laugh and smile sincerely. She was a little uncomfortable being around the common folk, but he knew that he made her seem much less threatening than she typically was. He wasn’t sure how much she liked that. As they discussed policies and laws, he could tell that she tried very hard to be a fair ruler, and while she did have the occasional cruel tendency, she really believed that her choices would improve the lives of those she ruled.

      The kingdom was assimilated into her empire with almost no bloodshed. Her husband, Lord Javen, ruled at her side, and it was said that he was only one the Empress ever truly loved. Together, they conquered the rest of the continent and united it in an empire that would last three thousand years.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

      “You’ll never get away with this!” said Kyler furiously as the guards forced him to his knees before me. I hit him.

      “Shut up,” I said, carefully slotting a silver bullet into an empty chamber. I snapped the cylinder back into my revolver with a click, then cocked the gun with a deliberate movement that had him licking his lips nervously.

      “Look, before you kill me,” he said quickly, clearly stalling for time, “will you at least tell me what this is all about?”

      I fired.

      “No,” I said, as his body fell to the floor, an expression of surprise on his face.